LEAP of Faith

leapgraduationride

Graduation Ride at LEAP Gloucestershire

The definition of faith is complete trust or confidence in someone or something. Trust is a firm belief in the reliability, truth, or ability of someone or something. Confidence is the feeling or belief that one can have faith in or rely on someone or something.

FAITH. TRUST. CONFIDENCE.

I have heard that 2016 is numerically a ‘9’ year (2+0+1+6) meaning its a year of completion or an end of cycles. The idea is the ditch anything this year you don’t want to carry with you for the next 8 years. Through my training to be a counsellor I have become more aware of issues I have with both trusting people and in setting healthy boundaries. So in the little time I have left of this year can I do something that rectifies that?

It is said that knowing where an issue lies, the root cause of it, is a massive step towards healing the issue itself. I was given David Howe’s book ‘Attachment Across the Lifecourse’ to help me understand someone else’s attachment style, whilst researching I discovered my own style was ‘disorganised’. Which meant my default status was feeling ‘unloved, alone and frightened’ and felt that other people are ‘frightening, rejecting and unavailable’.  It is possible for anyone with ‘disorganised’, ‘avoidant’ or ‘ambivalent’ attachment style to move toward ‘secure’ attachment as they go through their adult lives. It may take some inner child work it whatever form that suits you best. I have tried personal counselling, guided meditations and shamanic healing work to allow my inner child to grow up safely and trust that me, as the adult, has her safe.

I have been aware since my teenage years that I have not been able to set healthy boundaries with some people. They walked all over me, deeply insulted me and made me feel exhausted as they took and never gave. I was often angry at myself for not speaking up or standing my ground. This life lesson continued to play out, different people appeared but same thing was being displayed. I happened to watch a seminar with Heidi Sawyer on ‘How to handle a narcissist’ and discovered my ‘life code’ which gave me more self awareness and awareness of others. I suddenly understood why I wasn’t able to set healthy boundaries with some people and what to do about it. This together with Transactional Analysis ‘ego states‘ awareness and shamanic work/guided meditation on ‘tie-cutting’ myself from people has begun to help address this issue. It is also addressing the trust issue.

My kinship fostering placement has abruptly come to an end this month and things became bleak financially with a weeks notice. I was faced with two straight forward options. 1) go back to the last career I had and be able to afford to stay in your home or 2) leave your home and follow your dream to work with horses. I had an interview to return to my last career, it would have been safe…but not necessarily healthy. I had already left that career due to health reasons 6 years ago. My logic reasoned that my circumstances are different now, I could be OK now, able to set healthy boundaries (?) and then I could keep my home. My heart, my body and my intuition told me to follow my dreams and have faith that it will work out.  The second option means trusting in someone else, rather than being self reliant with the first option. With a huge leap of faith, I put my furniture up for sale today, will let my home go and follow my dreams. Someone in need will be able to move into this lovely flat before Christmas with a little luck and it will make their day.

I am now a fully qualified Equine Facilitated Leaning Practitioner having recently completed my LEAP training. I am so grateful that I was in the right place at the right time and the right people around me helped get me there this year. I am also grateful despite the emotional impact of big changes in my personal life, I was able to focus and complete the next step to achieving my dream. I plan to continue my counselling training over the next 2 years to qualify for private practice, then offer Equine Facilitated Psychotherapy too. I am currently looking for a place to run my business from in Dorset, and am already lucky enough to have the nicest, wisest little horse with me. He will need a herd to run with as horses in this line of work are best kept as naturally as possible which helps them connect with each other, and consequently with human clients.  In parallel, am also lucky enough to live close enough to fellow LEAP practitioners in Sherborne and Glastonbury and circumstances may well take me closer to them. I have faith, trust and confidence that whatever happens, following my dreams is the right option to take and its the one that allows me to put the most positivity into the world.

“Remember that wherever your heart is, there you will find your treasure” – Paulo Coelho

Equine Counselling

Juniper Natural Therapies Equine Counselling Equine facilitated Learning Psychotherapy EFP EFL LEAP

This month I have had the opportunity to experience an Introductory Workshop in Equine Facilitated Psychotherapy & Learning (EFP/L) and begin a Practitioner Training Programme at LEAP in Gloucester.

On arrival I was greeted by Jo Saunders and directed to a welcoming yurt which upon entering was even more welcoming when I discovered it was full of refreshments for the day. The teaching itself was conducted in a tipi across the other side of the field. Wandering freely in between the two tent structures was a good sized herd of mares and geldings of various shapes and sizes. In the tipi sat Ella Jones, Mike Delaney and Sarah Watson ready to welcome our group and begin our training programme.

One of the exercises I experienced ‘Journey with the Horse’ left me reflective for a week or so later. In the exercise there were four obstacles which could represent four things to you, such as childhood, adolescence, present and future. There were two horses in the arena, one to go on your journey with you and the other to represent your interrupter (something that interrupts you/your journey). As I went on my journey, I thought about what the obstacles represented and felt the emotions that went with them. My companion horse picked up my energies and reflected them for me to experience behaviourally and energetically. After the exercise I interpreted what I had experienced and Ella who had observed my session, fed back on observations I did not pick up on.  Some fellow trainees started off sceptical as they observed ‘normal’ horse behaviour, but as the same two horses journeyed with all members of our group and ‘behaved’ differently each time, their scepticism faded and their amazement came to the fore.

Even knowing what I know about horses and working with energy myself, I can’t fail to be in awe of how connected horses are to subtle energies. Yes, having a degree in Animal Science I could explain how horses have adapted to survive their environment (Dr Eddison if you are reading this I mean genetically not individually of course!), as a prey species those that are more alert to subtle changes in the herds energy and to the energy presented by predators are the ones more likely to survive to breed – passing on their genetic traits. It is the adaptation of being able to pick up on subtle energies that makes horses especially good at equine counselling/learning/psychotherapy.  Population genetics is absolutely fascinating in itself, but add to that their natural ability to connect on the spiritual level to access another kind of knowing leaves me quite dumbfounded.  Horses pick up on our thoughts or energies, they know when what we present on the outside is different to what is on the inside – even if we don’t notice it ourselves, and they even know that too. They will either be our medicine or our mirror in this kind of work. And by mirror I mean some sort of reflection, response or reaction to our energy.  We can often be so lost in our thoughts that we spend more time in our heads than in our bodies. Our bodies often have a lot to say, but we sometimes either forget to, can’t or won’t listen. Horses notice this too.

It’s hard not to compare Equine Counselling to Gestalt therapy, a counselling model that brings the client into the ‘here and now’. You can still experience the past, and plan the future with this model but the idea is to express the emotions coming up in the present moment. Fritz Perls the founder of Gestalt suggested in our patterns of behaviour we have 5 layers of resistance protecting, hiding or burying our ‘real’ self:

  1. Phony layer (the roles we play, or script we act out)
  2. Phobic layer (fear of rejection or pain, avoiding self acceptance)
  3. Impasse layer (fear of changes/challenging beliefs, avoiding personal responsibility)
  4. Implosive (a habitual ‘safe’ life, no energy, a ‘deadness’ to life)
  5. Explosive (emergence of hidden self, expressing that which has been suppressed)

As the horse can sense the real you the experience of this type of counselling can be very powerful and profound, as it has the potential to peel back all the layers of resistance to reveal the real you, the wholeness that is you.

Two things occurred on my equine journey that really stood out for me; a mare not involved in the exercise (outside of the arena), came as close as she was able to support me as I was dealing with the obstacle that represented my marriage breakdown. It was a time in my life where I became more aware of my spirituality and tapped into the inner and higher wisdom, wisdom that we all have if we connect. The other thing was my interrupter who played ‘masculine’ energy suddenly reacted as I was just about to finish my journey. He came over to my companion mare, stood over her back ‘intimidating’ her and she moved away. He chased her. My arousal level increased as the circling and chasing got bigger. I focused on my breathing to bring my arousal level down and decided to walk her out of the circle and to an area of the arena she felt safe in. When I got there I turned around to face him and I realised he wasn’t following anymore. This reflected an incident in early childhood, earlier than I had even chosen as my first obstacle. I had suddenly found myself intimidated and in the grasp of an 18 year old boy when I was 9 years old. I managed to get away from him and ran home with him chasing me, upon reaching my door I looked back and realised he was gone. My interrupter had pinpointed the moment where my fear of men came from, so now I could address it and change it to stop attracting more of the same.  Finally.  In the words of Sarah Williams, from one of my all time favourite films Labyrinth (1986)…

“…you have no power over me”

 

Thank you Maisie, Holly and Milo for this experience and this insight.  Horses truly are counsellors in their own right.