LEAP of Faith

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The definition of faith is complete trust or confidence in someone or something. Trust is a firm belief in the reliability, truth, or ability of someone or something. Confidence is the feeling or belief that one can have faith in or rely on someone or something.

FAITH. TRUST. CONFIDENCE.

I have heard that 2016 is numerically a ‘9’ year (2+0+1+6) meaning its a year of completion or an end of cycles. The idea is the ditch anything this year you don’t want to carry with you for the next 8 years. Through my training to be a counsellor I have become more aware of issues I have with both trusting people and in setting healthy boundaries. So in the little time I have left of this year can I do something that rectifies that?

It is said that knowing where an issue lies, the root cause of it, is a massive step towards healing the issue itself. I was given David Howe’s book ‘Attachment Across the Lifecourse’ to help me understand someone else’s attachment style, whilst researching I discovered my own style was ‘disorganised’. Which meant my default status was feeling ‘unloved, alone and frightened’ and felt that other people are ‘frightening, rejecting and unavailable’.  It is possible for anyone with ‘disorganised’, ‘avoidant’ or ‘ambivalent’ attachment style to move toward ‘secure’ attachment as they go through their adult lives. It may take some inner child work it whatever form that suits you best. I have tried personal counselling, guided meditations and shamanic healing work to allow my inner child to grow up safely and trust that me, as the adult, has her safe.

I have been aware since my teenage years that I have not been able to set healthy boundaries with some people. They walked all over me, deeply insulted me and made me feel exhausted as they took and never gave. I was often angry at myself for not speaking up or standing my ground. This life lesson continued to play out, different people appeared but same thing was being displayed. I happened to watch a seminar with Heidi Sawyer on ‘How to handle a narcissist’ and discovered my ‘life code’ which gave me more self awareness and awareness of others. I suddenly understood why I wasn’t able to set healthy boundaries with some people and what to do about it. This together with Transactional Analysis ‘ego states‘ awareness and shamanic work/guided meditation on ‘tie-cutting’ myself from people has begun to help address this issue. It is also addressing the trust issue.

My kinship fostering placement has abruptly come to an end this month and things became bleak financially with a weeks notice. I was faced with two straight forward options. 1) go back to the last career I had and be able to afford to stay in your home or 2) leave your home and follow your dream to work with horses. I had an interview to return to my last career, it would have been safe…but not necessarily healthy. I had already left that career due to health reasons 6 years ago. My logic reasoned that my circumstances are different now, I could be OK now, able to set healthy boundaries (?) and then I could keep my home. My heart, my body and my intuition told me to follow my dreams and have faith that it will work out.  The second option means trusting in someone else, rather than being self reliant with the first option. With a huge leap of faith, I put my furniture up for sale today, will let my home go and follow my dreams. Someone in need will be able to move into this lovely flat before Christmas with a little luck and it will make their day.

I am now a fully qualified Equine Facilitated Leaning Practitioner having recently completed my LEAP training. I am so grateful that I was in the right place at the right time and the right people around me helped get me there this year. I am also grateful despite the emotional impact of big changes in my personal life, I was able to focus and complete the next step to achieving my dream. I plan to continue my counselling training over the next 2 years to qualify for private practice, then offer Equine Facilitated Psychotherapy too. I am currently looking for a place to run my business from in Dorset, and am already lucky enough to have the nicest, wisest little horse with me. He will need a herd to run with as horses in this line of work are best kept as naturally as possible which helps them connect with each other, and consequently with human clients.  In parallel, am also lucky enough to live close enough to fellow LEAP practitioners in Sherborne and Glastonbury and circumstances may well take me closer to them. I have faith, trust and confidence that whatever happens, following my dreams is the right option to take and its the one that allows me to put the most positivity into the world.

“Remember that wherever your heart is, there you will find your treasure” – Paulo Coelho

Photo: LEAP Graduation, by Livvy Adams

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